I know that it is only for 3 days and I just have to be strong. Just hanging there just a little longer and I will be free. But then, it is so hard and then I think back and say 'if only I had spent more time doing my work instead of gallivating around i wouldn't have suffered so much now.' Yet, to me, perhaps of my ambitious nature, it is never enough.

Yesterday, Jonny gave me motivation talk again because he knows I am such a crybaby. He said something that left me thinking. What God give you is the best and it will be sufficient for you. And I think he is right no matter how I want to deny the fact that it is sufficient. In the end, if we demand too much, we are the ones getting disappointed. But, he can't quite understand why I need to do well. There are so many underlying issues yet the time is not right for me to say it out. I am sorry but I really really with all my heart want to do well and it is not for a selfish or superficial reason like because I want to get into the dean list anymore. No, it is much more to that. And it is so hard for me to keep this little secret. I wish I could share too. I honestly wish I could.

I seriously need to do what I preached. I keep saying to trust in Him yet, it is not that easy to do. W says I can cry cry cry for all I want but I have to pray or do both at the same time. In the end, I managed to do both at the same time. Well, I felt better after all that. But I always wonder why is exams such a huge hurdle for me? Like, I'm pretty sure others are not so dramamama as me to cry and study. Even all these years of exams, I still never quite got over the fear. WHY?

Alright, enough senseless ranting now. I have 2 more exams to do. And I am crying again. Don't mind me, it's my way of relieving my stress.


我会慢慢的忘记你的。



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