Everybody seems to be go going gone. Perhaps i always take for granted that when i'm back to Singapore, everybody will be still in Singapore, waiting for me, everything the same as if i never left. I'm so wrong. How could i be so selfish to think of that?

A sudden realisation swept over me when Joel smsed me and it wasn't a Singapore number. Stupid Joel, never even telling me that you are coming to Australia so soon. I was hoping to see you back in Singapore you know? You being the big brother that i never had. Even with MSN, i sometimes wish that when i meet with problems i can talk about it. Although i have a surrogate big sister over here, its different. We grew up together, went through lots. I reckon i'm such a pest, always coming to you with my problems but thanks for helping me solve my problems anyway.

Ernie will be gone soon. That guy who never fails to make me laugh. I can't imagine having 2 important people in my life gone to other places, not knowing when we will meet again. 3 years is a long time.

I still can't believe we parted ways just like that. I'm still wondering whether on that day i left the Singapore airport, was i faking it all? Being smiley and cheerful just because i don't want people to be sad?

Now i know that i had been so selfish, just thinking about myself. All i want was to get away from Singapore back in 2003, not because i want to further my studies but to get away from all the sadness i have to face at least once a week. Until i met a new friend who confide in me that she's here because people jeer at her, all because she was the unfortunate victim, i never felt so ashamed at my lousy excuse.

Why do i want to go? Just because somebody made me unhappy? How could i be so stupid to think that nobody would make me unhappy here too? Back in Singapore, although some people do make me upset, at least i got more friends that never fails to cheer me up. At least i still got friends who support me unlike my friend who has nobody. Damn, i'm feeling that i'm a lucky girl, whose parents who can afford to send me overseas and give in to my whims and fancy.

Don't get me wrong though, I don't regret being here since i'm happier than usual but then why are tears rolling down my cheeks?



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